Diagnosis Cancer - the start of my Ultimate Health Project journey

I am prefacing this blog by saying that I am no medical expert, I have no medical training in cancer and fully recognize that there are many different types of cancer with many levels of gravity. I do not pretend to know or understand what someone else living with or supporting someone living with cancer is going through and this blog is not to speak for everyone. It is about me, my diagnosis, my perspectives and experiences of my own cancer and my Ultimate Health Project. We are all on our own journey and this is part of mine. 

I knew something was wrong for a few weeks before I was told that I had cancer. My "Spidey" sense even told me that it was cancer, I said it once to my husband half hoping to be rebuffed for my crazy talk, half testing the waters to see what it sounded like out loud rather than in my head. I said it once to a colleague because even though I thought it may be true I still thought it sounded too ludicrous to be my reality, I was too young in my very early 30s and who has a baby and then gets cancer during that happy time?! But it actually was my reality. 

It probably sounds ridiculous that someone "knows" they have cancer. How do you really know something like that? The best comparison to draw is probably if you've had the experience where you "know" you're pregnant. It's not confirmed yet but you just "know" it based on how you're feeling. My lifestyle has led me to be very in tune with what is a normal benchmark for me, any deviation on this benchmark I can usually attribute to something that I ate / drank / didn't sleep / worked out for too long. I just couldn't account for why I was feeling the way I was. I rationalized it in the end that I had only, 5 months ago, had my first baby and returned back to work. These two factors were surely the reason that I was exhausted - even though the baby was sleeping through the night and I was getting more sleep than before he arrived! I ignored my intuition for a few weeks, putting off going to the drs, saying I was too busy but simply in denial, not ready to hear what I thought it was.

The diagnosis is just the beginning of the journey. From a health perspective it is unequivocally the hardest, most challenging situation I have ever encountered and would suggest I am likely to. It hits you on all fronts, you can't prepare for it. Your health deteriorates and not just in the obvious "I have cancer" way that you would expect. You are challenged mentally, physically, spiritually, with your relationships and sometimes with things you never would have thought about previously.

Even though I have strong beliefs relating to food, nutrition and the body's ability to heal itself I decided that a purely holistic approach to my treatment was not for me. I wanted to blend my knowledge and understanding of health alongside the western medical system. As such I have had several surgeries and intensive radiation and chemotherapy to treat my cancer. The treatment of cancer itself has had a serious impact on my overall health. Radiation and chemotherapy don't discriminate within your body around healthy and cancerous cells. Their job is to destroy the tumor / cancer, there are clearly casualties along the way with this methodology. My formal treatment plan has officially finished and now I am in a weird limbo stage where we wait for 3 months to see if it has worked and if I still have cancer or not. Talk about a guillotine hanging over your head!

So these next 3 months or 12 weeks are going to be dedicated to more than hanging around waiting to know what the deal is. That's not my style anyway. Instead I will be embarking on my 12 week Ultimate Health Project. A project dedicated to rebuilding my well being in every way, exploring new possibilities and living life. It's a project of gratitude. I am grateful I am in a position to be able to do this at this point in my life.