A thanksgiving cancer note to my husband

Thank you seems so small, so insignificant in the big scheme of things, how do you ever truly convey the gratitude that you have for someone that does more than love you unwaveringly, but cares for you in a way neither of you anticipated? When you get married you may expect that somewhere down the line in the very far and distant future you will both be old and will be looking after each other, and that is why you're together because you want to play those roles and be there for each other.

(2007)

What about when you're in your 30s, some of the best years of your life - what then? Does it still apply? What happens when you're facing challenges and decisions that are going to impact the course of the rest of your life?

My husband found out. This wasn't a journey that either of us wanted, we had a new baby and were meant to be enjoying this new stage of our lives. Instead my husband became my full-time caregiver. Every day without fail he came to the hospital for all my surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy. He sat there waiting for hours as I was inserted with IV after IV in chronic states of pain, dehydration and fatigue. He held my hand while they took endless blood, he dressed me because I couldn't dress myself, pushed me in a wheelchair when I could no longer walk, put blankets on me when I was cold during chemotherapy, brushed my teeth for me, washed my hair and made me laugh. 

He never patronized me and forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. He always reassured me during the endless meetings with Drs that I was still ME. That I was still entitled and capable of making my own decisions and choices. I wasn't just some medical statistic to him being pushed through the machinery that is cancer treatment. He knew where the line was when he had to push me to get up in the morning and the times I really just couldn't.

He did this and his full time job, looked after our son and our dogs all at the same time.

He never once complained he was tired or upset and never conveyed anything other than the most amazing emotional strength I have ever seen. Even when I was in hospital with suspected pneumonia after chemotherapy, my heart rate hovering at 28bpm for two days and an electric shock crash cart next to my hospital bed my husband kept on going.

No one ever really asked how he was, everyone asked how I was. He was the invisible warrior, my unsung hero. Without my husband I would have given up. Without him all that's possible in my here and now wouldn't be.

He will absolutely hate this post, he's a very private person. But on Thanksgiving it couldn't not be about him. To me he's the glue that kept me and our little family together and for that I will never stop being grateful.